Home Education How to Train Your Children: The Secret Method in 4 Phases

How to Train Your Children: The Secret Method in 4 Phases

How to Train Your Children The Secret Method in 4 Phases
How to Train Your Children The Secret Method in 4 Phases

How to Train Your Children: The Secret Method in 4 Phases


Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and rewards. Effective child-rearing is crucial for nurturing the next generation. Understanding the phases of child development is key to becoming a successful parent. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the secret method of parenting in four phases: Discipline, Training, Coaching, and Friendship.

Phase 1: Teaching Discipline (Ages 0-5)

During the early years, setting boundaries and rules for young children is essential. This phase lays the foundation for their future behavior and character. Here’s what you need to know:

Importance of setting boundaries and rules for young children.

Setting clear boundaries provides children with a sense of security and structure. It helps them understand what is expected of them and what is considered acceptable behavior.

1. Security and Comfort:

Imagine a house without walls or fences; it would be difficult to feel safe and secure. In the same way, children need boundaries to feel safe and comfortable in their environment. When they know what to expect and what is expected of them, it creates a sense of security. Just like the walls of a house, boundaries provide a protective barrier that shields them from confusion and uncertainty.

2. Structure and Predictability:

Boundaries create a structured framework within which children can navigate their world. They act as road signs, guiding children on the path of acceptable behavior. Without these signposts, children might feel lost or adrift. Rules and boundaries offer a roadmap, making it clear how they should behave in various situations. This structure provides predictability, which is essential for a child’s emotional well-being.

3. Learning Right from Wrong:

Boundaries are fundamental in teaching children the difference between right and wrong. They establish a code of conduct, helping children understand what actions are acceptable and which ones are not. This early education forms the basis for their moral and ethical development. Children raised with clear boundaries are more likely to develop a strong sense of responsibility and empathy.

4. Building Self-Discipline:

Setting boundaries encourages self-discipline in children. When they understand the rules and consequences, they learn to regulate their behavior accordingly. This self-regulation is a crucial life skill that extends beyond childhood. It empowers children to make better choices and control their impulses, setting them up for success in the future.

5. Respect for Others:

Boundaries also teach children about respect for others. By understanding what is considered acceptable behavior, they learn to be considerate of people’s feelings and boundaries. This fosters healthy social interactions and relationships, which are vital for their development.

Age-appropriate discipline techniques, such as positive reinforcement and time-outs.

Positive reinforcement involves rewarding good behavior, which encourages children to repeat it. Time-outs, on the other hand, provide a brief break for the child to reflect on their actions.

Positive Reinforcement:

Positive reinforcement is a discipline technique that focuses on acknowledging and rewarding desirable behaviors in children. It operates on the principle that when a child receives positive feedback or a reward for exhibiting good behavior, they are more likely to repeat that behavior. Here’s a closer look at how positive reinforcement works and its importance:

1. Encouraging Desirable Behavior:

Positive reinforcement involves identifying and praising behaviors that you want to encourage in your child. For example, if a child completes their homework without being reminded, praising them for their responsibility reinforces this positive behavior.

2. Building Self-Esteem:

When children receive praise and recognition for their efforts and good behavior, it boosts their self-esteem and self-worth. They feel valued and competent, which motivates them to continue making positive choices.

3. Strengthening the Parent-Child Bond:

Positive reinforcement fosters a positive and supportive parent-child relationship. It creates an environment where children feel loved and understood, which leads to open communication and trust.

4. Teaching Natural Consequences:

This technique also allows children to learn from natural consequences. For instance, if they clean their room regularly (positive behavior), they get to enjoy a neat and organized space (natural consequence). It helps children connect actions to outcomes.


Time-outs are a discipline technique that involves temporarily removing a child from a situation in which they are misbehaving. The purpose is to give the child a chance to calm down and reflect on their actions. Here’s a closer look at how time-outs work and their importance:

1. Promoting Self-Regulation:

Time-outs provide children with a moment to pause and regulate their emotions. It helps them cool down when they are upset, frustrated, or acting out impulsively.

2. Encouraging Reflection:

During a time-out, children have the opportunity to think about what went wrong and why their behavior was inappropriate. It encourages self-reflection and an understanding of the consequences of their actions.

3. Setting Boundaries:

Time-outs also establish clear boundaries and consequences for misbehavior. Children learn that certain actions result in a temporary removal from a situation, motivating them to avoid those actions in the future.

4. Avoiding Physical Discipline:

Time-outs offer an alternative to physical discipline. Instead of resorting to punitive measures, parents can use time-outs to address misbehavior while avoiding physical harm or emotional damage.

The Importance of Consistency in Discipline.

Consistency is key to effective discipline. Ensure that rules and consequences are applied consistently, so children understand the consequences of their actions.

Consistency in discipline is a fundamental aspect of effective parenting. It refers to the practice of applying rules, consequences, and expectations consistently over time. Here’s why it’s so crucial:

  1. Clarity for Children: When parents are consistent in enforcing rules and consequences, children have a clear understanding of what is expected of them. They know that certain behaviors will consistently result in specific outcomes, whether positive or negative.
  2. Predictability: Consistency provides a sense of predictability for children. They can anticipate the consequences of their actions, which encourages them to make responsible choices.
  3. Establishing Boundaries: Consistency helps set and maintain boundaries. Children learn the limits of acceptable behavior and understand that these boundaries apply consistently, regardless of circumstances.
  4. Building Trust: When parents are consistent in their discipline, it builds trust between parents and children. Children learn to trust that their parents will follow through with consequences, fostering a healthy parent-child relationship.
  5. Promoting Accountability: Consistency teaches children accountability for their actions. They recognize that they are responsible for the choices they make and the consequences that follow.

Tips for Consistency in Discipline:

  1. Agree on Rules: It’s essential for both parents (if applicable) to agree on the rules and consequences. Consistency starts with a unified front. Sit down and discuss the household rules, ensuring both parents are on the same page.
  2. Communicate Expectations: Clearly communicate the rules and expectations to your children. Use age-appropriate language to ensure they understand what is expected of them.
  3. Follow Through: If you set a consequence for a specific behavior, make sure to follow through consistently. This demonstrates that you mean what you say and that there are real consequences for actions.
  4. Avoid Empty Threats: Empty threats can undermine consistency. If you repeatedly threaten consequences without enforcing them, children may not take you seriously. Be prepared to follow through when necessary.
  5. Use Positive Reinforcement: Consistency isn’t just about consequences; it also involves recognizing and reinforcing positive behavior. Praise and reward your child when they exhibit desirable behavior to reinforce consistency in a positive way.
  6. Stay Calm: Consistency is most effective when discipline is administered calmly. Avoid reacting in anger or frustration. Instead, address misbehavior with a composed demeanor.
  7. Be Patient: Consistency may require patience, especially when children test boundaries. Stay committed to maintaining consistency even when faced with challenges.
  8. Adjust Rules as Needed: While consistency is vital, it’s also important to be flexible when circumstances warrant it. Sometimes, rules may need adjustments to accommodate changing needs or situations.
  9. Model Consistency: Children learn by example. Model the behavior you expect from them, including consistency in your actions and decisions.
  10. Open Communication: Encourage open communication with your children. Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings, and be willing to listen and discuss rules and consequences with them.

Frequently Asked Questions:

  • What are the key challenges of disciplining toddlers?
    • Disciplining toddlers can be challenging due to their limited understanding and communication skills. They may test boundaries as they explore the world around them.
  • How can I handle temper tantrums effectively?
    • Calmly and patiently addressing temper tantrums is essential. Offer comfort and use positive reinforcement to encourage better behavior.
  • Is spanking an appropriate disciplinary method for young children?
    • Spanking is generally discouraged as a disciplinary method. It’s important to focus on positive reinforcement and alternative strategies that teach appropriate behavior.

Phase 2: Training Them (Ages 5 to about 12)

As children grow, they transition from discipline to training. This phase focuses on skill development, education, and fostering independence.

During this crucial phase of childhood, children begin to develop more advanced cognitive, social, and emotional skills. As a result, parenting shifts from primarily enforcing rules to actively training and nurturing these budding abilities. Here’s an in-depth look at this transitional phase:

  1. Skill Development: One of the central goals during this phase is skill development. Parents play a key role in teaching children various practical life skills, including:
    • Chores and Responsibilities: Children are given age-appropriate chores and responsibilities around the house. This not only helps them learn valuable skills but also instills a sense of accountability.
    • Time Management: Parents can start introducing basic concepts of time management, helping children understand the importance of tasks and schedules.
    • Problem Solving: Encouraging children to solve simple problems on their own fosters critical thinking and independence.
    • Social Skills: Training includes teaching children how to interact with peers, resolve conflicts, and communicate effectively. These social skills are essential for building healthy relationships.
  2. Education and Independence: As children enter formal schooling, parents actively support their education. Here’s how this is achieved:
    • Encouraging Curiosity: Parents nurture a child’s natural curiosity and love for learning. They provide resources and opportunities for exploration, which can include visits to museums, libraries, and educational outings.
    • Homework and Study Habits: Parents help establish good homework and study habits. They create a conducive environment for learning at home and offer guidance when children face academic challenges.
    • Encouraging Independence: Children are gradually encouraged to take more ownership of their schoolwork. Parents serve as mentors, assisting when needed but allowing their children to develop self-reliance.
  3. Self-Esteem and Responsibility: This phase places significant importance on building a child’s self-esteem and sense of responsibility:
    • Encouragement and Praise: Parents provide genuine praise and encouragement for their child’s efforts and achievements. This boosts self-confidence and motivates them to continue learning and growing.
    • Accountability: Children learn about responsibility by taking ownership of their actions. They begin to understand the consequences of their choices and actions, both positive and negative.
    • Setting Goals: Parents assist their children in setting achievable goals, whether they are related to academics, extracurricular activities, or personal development. This helps children learn about planning and working towards objectives.
  4. Effective Communication: Communication between parents and children becomes increasingly important and nuanced:
    • Active Listening: Parents actively listen to their children’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. They create a safe and open space for their children to express themselves.
    • Guided Discussions: Parents engage in meaningful discussions with their children about various topics. This not only enhances communication skills but also helps children develop their own ideas and opinions.
    • Problem Solving Together: When conflicts or challenges arise, parents involve children in problem-solving. This collaborative approach teaches them how to analyze situations and work towards solutions.

In essence, Phase 2 is all about laying a strong foundation for a child’s future development. It recognizes their growing capabilities and focuses on nurturing these abilities through skill development, education, and the gradual fostering of independence. Parents serve as guides, mentors, and supporters, helping children grow into well-rounded individuals prepared for the next phases of life.

Frequently Asked Questions:

  • How can I motivate my child to excel in school?
    • Motivation often stems from showing interest in your child’s education, setting achievable goals, and celebrating their successes.
  • What extracurricular activities are suitable for skill development?
    • Activities such as sports, music, and arts can help develop various skills, including teamwork, creativity, and discipline.
  • How do I handle peer pressure and bullying issues during this phase?
    • Encourage open communication with your child. Teach them to assertively handle peer pressure and report bullying incidents.

Phase 3: Coaching Them (Ages 12 to 18)

The adolescent years, spanning from ages 12 to 18, mark a critical period of development. During this phase, parents transition from being primary caregivers to becoming coaches and mentors. The focus shifts towards helping teenagers set goals, make decisions, and develop their character. Let’s delve into the significance of guiding teenagers through their formative years:

Importance of Guiding Teenagers Through Their Formative Years:

  1. Self-Discovery and Change: Adolescence is characterized by profound physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. Teenagers are exploring their identities, values, and beliefs. Guiding them during this period is vital because it’s a time when they are defining who they are and who they want to become.
  2. Navigating Complex Choices: Teenagers face a myriad of choices, from academic and career decisions to peer relationships and moral dilemmas. Effective guidance helps them make informed choices and avoid potential pitfalls.
  3. Character Development: Adolescence is an opportune time for character development. Values such as responsibility, empathy, integrity, and resilience are instilled during these years. Parents can play a significant role in nurturing these qualities.

Challenges and Changes in Parent-Child Dynamics During Adolescence:

  1. Seeking Independence: Adolescents naturally seek more independence as they strive to establish their identities. This quest for autonomy can sometimes lead to conflicts with parents who may still be inclined to exert control.
  2. Communication Challenges: Teenagers may become less communicative with their parents, preferring to confide in friends or deal with issues independently. This shift in communication dynamics can be challenging for parents.
  3. Peer Influence: Adolescents are often highly influenced by their peers. Parents may find it challenging to compete with peer pressure and maintain a strong influence on their children’s choices.

Guidance on Setting Goals, Making Decisions, and Building Character:

  1. Goal Setting: Encourage your teenager to set both short-term and long-term goals. Help them define their aspirations and break them down into manageable steps. Goal-setting teaches them the importance of planning and perseverance.
  2. Decision-Making: Teach your teenager the art of making informed decisions. Discuss the pros and cons of choices they face, and encourage them to consider the potential consequences. This equips them with critical thinking skills.
  3. Character Development: Instill important character traits through modeling and discussion. Emphasize responsibility by involving them in household chores and tasks. Foster empathy by encouraging them to volunteer or help others in their community.

Maintaining Open and Respectful Communication:

  1. Active Listening: Be an attentive and non-judgmental listener. Create a safe space where your teenager feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism.
  2. Empathy: Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t always agree. Empathizing with their struggles and challenges fosters trust and open communication.
  3. Respect Boundaries: Respect their need for privacy while also setting reasonable boundaries. Finding a balance between independence and parental guidance is crucial.
  4. Regular Check-Ins: Establish regular times for family discussions or check-ins. This provides a structured opportunity for open communication.


Frequently Asked Questions:

  • How can I help my teenager discover their passions and interests?
    • Encourage exploration and provide opportunities for your teenager to try new activities. Be supportive and open to their evolving interests.
  • What should I do if my teenager rebels against rules and authority?
    • Address rebellion with understanding and empathy. Set clear expectations and consequences while allowing them to express their opinions.
  • How do I navigate conversations about sensitive topics like relationships and substance abuse?
    • Approach these conversations with care and non-judgment. Provide accurate information, set boundaries, and encourage responsible decision-making.

Phase 4: Being Their Friend (Ages 18 and Over)

As children transition into adulthood, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship undergo a profound transformation. In this phase, which spans ages 18 and beyond, the role of a parent evolves into that of a supportive friend. Here’s a closer look at the significance of this shift and how to navigate it effectively:

Emphasizing the Shift towards a Supportive and Advisory Role:

  1. Guidance Over Control: Adult children no longer require the same level of strict parenting they did in their earlier years. Instead, they benefit from your guidance, wisdom, and life experience. Shift your focus from enforcing rules to offering advice and insights.
  2. Respect Autonomy: Recognize and respect their newfound independence. Allow them to make decisions, even if those decisions differ from what you might have chosen for them. Be there as a trusted advisor rather than an authority figure.

Importance of Maintaining a Strong Emotional Connection:

  1. Open Lines of Communication: A strong emotional bond fosters open communication. Your adult child should feel comfortable discussing their life, challenges, and aspirations with you. Maintain a non-judgmental and empathetic stance.
  2. Source of Support: Your emotional connection provides a valuable support system for your adult child. Life can present numerous challenges, and knowing they have a parent who understands and cares can be immensely reassuring.

Insights into Fostering Trust and Mutual Respect:

  1. Respect Their Choices: Even if you don’t always agree with their decisions, respect their right to make choices. This demonstrates trust in their judgment and fosters mutual respect.
  2. Active Listening: Continue to be an active and empathetic listener. Show genuine interest in their experiences and perspectives. Validate their feelings and concerns.
  3. Avoid Unsolicited Advice: While offering advice is part of your role, avoid giving unsolicited advice. Wait for them to seek your guidance or opinions, and provide it without imposing your views.

Supporting Adult Children in Pursuing Their Goals:

  1. Offer Encouragement: Encourage them in their pursuit of personal and professional goals. Celebrate their achievements and offer support when they face setbacks or challenges.
  2. Provide Resources: When appropriate, offer practical assistance or resources that can help them achieve their goals. This could include financial support, networking connections, or guidance on specific endeavors.
  3. Respect Their Independence: Balance your desire to help with respecting their independence. Allow them to take ownership of their decisions and experiences, even if it means making mistakes.

Frequently Asked Questions:

  • How can I transition from a parental role to a supportive friend role?
    • Gradual transition is key. Be available, offer advice when asked, and respect their autonomy.
  • What boundaries should I establish when maintaining a friendship with my adult child?
    • Define boundaries that ensure respect and maintain a balanced relationship. Communicate openly about expectations.
  • How can I offer financial support without enabling dependency?
    • Offer financial support with clear expectations and guidelines. Encourage financial independence while providing a safety net when necessary.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Parenting can be challenging, and mistakes are inevitable. Here are common parenting mistakes and how to rectify them:

  • Being too lenient or too controlling at the wrong phases: Find a balance between freedom and guidance.


In each phase of parenting, from discipline to being a supportive friend, adaptation is crucial. By understanding the secret method of parenting, you can raise well-rounded and successful children who are prepared for life’s challenges. Remember, parenting is a journey of continuous learning and growth.

Previous articleA Nutritional Guide: Ensuring a Healthy Diet for Your Dog
Next articleBuilding Healthy Habits for a Fulfilling Life
Simeon Bala
An Information technology (IT) professional who is passionate about technology and building Inspiring the company’s people to love development, innovations, and client support through technology. With expertise in Quality/Process improvement and management, Risk Management. An outstanding customer service and management skills in resolving technical issues and educating end-users. An excellent team player making significant contributions to the team, and individual success, and mentoring. Background also includes experience with Virtualization, Cyber security and vulnerability assessment, Business intelligence, Search Engine Optimization, brand promotion, copywriting, strategic digital and social media marketing, computer networking, and software testing. Also keen about the financial, stock, and crypto market. With knowledge of technical analysis, value investing, and keep improving myself in all finance market spaces. Pioneer of the following platforms were I research and write on relevant topics. 1. https://publicopinion.org.ng 2. https://getdeals.com.ng 3. https://tradea.com.ng 4. https://9jaoncloud.com.ng Simeon Bala is an excellent problem solver with strong communication and interpersonal skills.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here